The Death of Communication by LOL: A Report
This is a humourous take on why communication is dying because of that one single word -- "LOL"
It is dark and day, and I'm wornout by this afternoon, when my phone hiccups on the table. It must be her. The flashing red light is nudging me to unlock the phone, as if it knew I asked my friend "Do you want to join me for dinner?". I pick up the phone, and find her reply to be one word. The indomitable
Why are we still friends? I speculate 68% of broken relationships happen because of money, jealousy, and the inability to correctly respond to instant messenger questions.
I close my eyes to deeply introspect on what wires the minds of people like her. Do they not read? Do they not possess the will to be correct? Or do they enjoy the sadism of mediocrity, like a restaurant bill that can only be paid by a handwritten check.
Or maybe it is my fault. Why do I obsess over precise communication?
Perhaps because a good communication directly saves me copious amounts of typing effort. Think deeply. A clear communications on your part, means that I have to type less, and that could save my life, because, who knows, I’m messaging you while crossing a road or rail tracks. No one wants their world to end splattered on a footpath, with a face twisted in an omg-a-truck look, and their dying words found to be ‘LOL’.
LOL (Laughing out Loud), has become a communication protocol. It is a weapon used often, in various avatars. It is like a chameleon, dressing up in his different colours, smiling at himself in the mirror, raising a handsome eyebrow in self acknowledgement of his brilliantly styled trickery for the day, saying, ‘You chameleon...You naughty trickster! What are you going to be today?’.
LOL is that chameleon.
LOL can be used to evade. To shock, to show nonchalance and any range of feelings from sarcasm to indifference and worst.... to slap face.
“Hey listen, would you be interested in the inner peace workshop, yes or no?”
“Hey listen, I broke my left leg at the inner peace workshop”
“Hey listen, Will you be my date for the inner peace workshop?”
“Hey listen, do you think I’ve gained much out of the inner peace workshop?”
LOL is a silent killer. You know, just know, that the serial typist is not laughing at the other end. Now, when I really laugh loud, I am forced to spell out, ‘I am laughing so much my stomach is hurting’.
But I am not banning LOL. Instead, I would encourage you to bend down, pick up the sickle and start cutting and collecting hay where it grows. Use it against them! Make it the boomerang of revenge, the fan on the fire. Answer an LOL with an LOL and my friends, I promise you, your efforts will be the start of a revolution. The revolution of fighting for better communications!
The battle of LOL will not last long though. Recent studies have shown that ‘lol’ is now used in only 1.9% of facebook posts. Emoji’s (emoticons) are taking more and more stage space...which means that the battle of ‘lol’ is losing out to a more flashy competitor. But I don’t want you to walk away without revealing a secret. LOL, has a more powerful brother. Unmatched in its power, the grenade of grenades, the pyramid of tombstones, the roaring lion in movie production studios introductions. Please stand up for, the power of .... Silence. The murder by not replying.
In 2014, the messaging service WhatsApp had invented the gunpowder of online communication. When a message has been read, they painted against it, an electric blue tick mark. So if you see blue, and you haven't received an answer from your friend, you'll know your friend has answers for everyone, just not you. This has catapult messaging into a new warzone, from the mediocrity of lol to the power of silence. Welcome to the Messaging War II.